rate my essay hook?:)?

on a scale of 1 to 10, how good is my essay hook? I spent like 1 hour doing this omg I hate writing it doesn't come naturally :P For the first time in fifteen years of his life, Jim was a happy youth who enjoyed the companionship of high-ranking individuals. He decided to abandon his erudite lifestyle to enter the world of prevalent social trends. If only Jim had known the damage he was about to do before he made this careless decision.