What is this book called?

Hey, I remember reading a book years ago about a sort of utopia. I loved it and would love to read it again, or at least find it, but I can't remember the name of the book. In the story, your life was kinda set out for you. People didn't have children naturally - they explained what sort of child they would prefer to have (e.g. brunette, green eyes, stuff like that, I think,) and a child would he be given to them. Women were employed to have children to keep this system working and were paid a lot and usually could retire after about 4-5 births. Marriage was also planned - a partner would be picked for you based on your preferences. It always worked out well. Your job was also given to you at a ceremony which I think occurred in your teen years, which set you a career based on your interests and skills. At the ceremony, the main character of the story was not called out - he was skipped over until the end. Then, after everyone else had been given their jobs, it was revealed that he had been chosen by the Elder to take over his role. The Elder held all bad memories (e.g. war, pain, something to do with a sledding/skiing experience that went badly wrong in one scene,) so no one else had to carry that weight, but the Elder was old and dying. The Elder began to transfer those memories to the main character so he could take on the role. He was shaken up by it and started crying but was willing to carry on. Twins were given a lethal injection so everyone was unique.