I want to die, but temporarily.?

I dont have many friends. I’m pretty lonely. I’m not attractive, not in my face or my body. My brother has cancer. Mom and dad used to be my best friends but lately have been making fun of me for my crippling phobia— i thought they wanted to help me but it turns i was always a real nuisance. I have way too much school work and I can never find the motivation to do it. But what will happen to my boyfriend? or if i get accepted into my dream university. idk if it would be worth it. It’s like I want to die, just temporarily. What do I do. I feel stuck