The thought of helping other people and viewing things from their perspective disgusts me?

I don't know I just get this really dreading feeling. I also can't stand when someone hates me and I hate it when they're the good guy and I'm probably the one stirring things. The truth hurts so much and I can't stand it. Like I lost my virginity to someone that really doesn't give a sh/t about me and I kept hoping he would one day but I realized he never really did and never really will it hurts so much to stand the truth