Why am i so insecure?

I feel like I am more insecure than normal. What I mean by that is I feel like everyone is talking about me, even my own family. I have not worked or went to school in 4 months I stay at home mostly and I've did it for so long I feel like that's my place. I don't like to go out with any of my friends, I don't like to go out and meet guys because I feel like im going to get rejected, So I try to meet guys on a chat line, I like to be flirty but then they ask for my number we talk, but when they talk about dating i stop talking to them because i feel like i don't deserve them. I've been talked about in the past, I've been called ugly, I've been used etc. So ever since i graduated high school i cut off all contact from everyone who i went to school with and I find it so sad because it hasn't even been a year yet. Btw. I know im not ugly, im a chunky girl(not fat, just chunky).. PLEASE DON'T JUDGE MY PROBLEM! I just wish i would grow some and stop acting like this, i have so much to live for and this is killing me. My mom had so much confidence when she was my age even now as an older woman and my little sister does too but im the odd one out the bunch. PLEASE HELP!!