I think I'm going to kill myself?

I do want to live but i feel like nothing can ever make me happy and i hate everything about myself im even ashamed of what people will think looking at my dead body. If talking to someone isnt an option as no one would ever imagine i have problems and thoughts like this, what do i do? I'm so lost and alone and have never had a deep relationship with anybody ever. I dont know what to do. 😞