I always think I look fat and try to go on diets (not extreme ones though) do I have anorexia?

I mean if I did it'd probably be some kind of mild version (not extreme anorexia). This has been going on for a few years and I hate myself and I used to cry a lot Cuz I hate myself. I am 5'9 and 145lbs. I try to duet a lot but I always end up failing because I see food j really want to eat and forget about my diet and then I feel like ****