Is it understandable to feel viciously jealous?

because ive been ' denied ' the life I would of wanted? - so seeing people happy, especially women , makes me feel enraged. im 36 and have felt like this a lot of my adulthood, because of injustices ive had, and having to deal with mental health problems and bullying on top of it. because of all this, I missed out on the average happy life of building relationships and doing what I want to do? travelling, going college, meeting people..... I missed out on because of my past. I live in a lonely flat....and when I go outside....I struggle with feelings of rage especially if I see happy people....I want to smash their heads in. and I do mean 'in' - that's how I feel. I feel like this because ive been denied a life, the life I wanted. can anybody understand this?