Question #5350015

How can I make this sound better ?

Hi so I am writing a story, and I have started on the opening chapter. It was a quick thing and I think that it could be heaps better (maybe). I am wondering if anyone can help me re write bits of it. Like, the opening sentence to make it more interestingg and to be able to grab the readers attention. And also please help me describe the teacher and the characters a bit better. Thanks! Here is what I have: I waited patiently for Courtney, my best friend to meet me outside the PE doors at school. That's where we always meet on mornings. When she finally came we both said Hi then she started rummaging through her bag for something. Suddenly the PE doors opened and I quickly got out the way when I seen who it was. Mr. Gourley, One of my PE teachers was there, looking as grumpy as ever. Don't get me wrong he was a good looking guy, dark messy hair, bright blue sparkling eyes and toned tanned skin, every girls dream. He was only about 24, maybe 25, but he just wasn't that nice of a person. Ifyou'ree still awake, Can anyone help me? Or maybe re write this chapter your way and give me some ideas. Thanks.

2013-04-16 21:19:12

TELL US , if you have any answer

There is NEVER a problem, ONLY a challange!

The is a free-to-use knowledgebase.
  The was started on: 02.07.2010.
  It's free to register. Once you are a registered user, you can ask questions, or answer them.
  (Unless registration you can just answer the questions anonymously)
  Only english!!! Questions and answers in other languages will be deleted!!

Cheers: the PixelFighters


C'mon... follow us!

Made by, history, ect.