Question #7200179

What do you think about my fanfiction?

"Rylla! She's missing!" I dug my hands into the skirt of my dress, twisting. Thorin was next to me, a hand around my shoulders, trying to soothe me. "Rylla, she'll be fine..", he kept repeating. I sat rigid, staring into the fire emptily. We were sitting on my bed early in the morn because I was woken from sleep by the prince, only to be told.. "Please, Rylla," he begged. "Please, more than half of our guards are out, searching for her." "How long?" I finally whisper. "How long what?" "How long has she been missing, Thorin?" He looked at his boots. "Two weeks." I take a sharp intake of breath, trying to keep my temper down. "And how long have you known?" Thorin hesitates. "A week and a half." "How long have the guards been searching?" "Late last night." He answered dully. This is the last straw. I throw his arm off me and stand up. "Why hasn't this been reported to me?" "Because you were busy. It was under orders that it would not be spoken of." "Aly's my best friend. You expect me to not care?" I screech, my voice nearing hysteria. "She's been missing for two weeks and no one's told me?" "Rylla-" "No, don't 'Rylla' me. Leave me." I growl lowly. Thorin hesitated then stood up. "W-what..?" "Leave. Me. Now." He gazed at me again before sighing and leaving reluctantly. As soon as I heard him shuffing away, I stripped off my gown and threw on my travellers outfit, a small pack which held a flask of water, a bow and a sword. If no one was going to care and look for her properly, I would. I took a deep breath of the forest before running on. Adrenaline pumped through me as I heard heavy footsteps and screams. I half smirked. I could find her in less than ten minutes and those guards have been out since last night? Useless cretins. I continued running until I could see them. Five orcs were walking, one carrying Aly. It's shoulder's were broad and he was tall; at least 5'11". He was the only one not wearing armor. The others barely reached his shoulders and were covered in armor from their neck to toe. Their bare skin that showed was pale as moonlight. All their faces were scrunched up, annoyed at the sunlight and Aly's shrieks. "Shut yer mouth, you wench!" One with an annoying, high-pitched voice slapped her across the face so hard, I could hear it. Her cry made me grit my teeth. I drew an arrow to the bow and aimed. The arrow sang for a few seconds before hitting the back of the orc's head. I smirked comfidently and drew another arrow. When the squeaky voiced orc fell, the last three started drawing out their blades. The tall one put his to Aly's neck. "Come out or else this girl's head comes off." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You might have recognized the character, Thorin, from The Hobbit. So what did you think? Please be honest. Thanks! (:

2013-06-08 21:25:26

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fanfiction quot Rylla She 039 s missing quot dress twisting Thorin around shoulders trying soothe quot Rylla she 039 ll fine quot repeating rigid staring emptily sitting because prince told quot Please Rylla quot begged quot Please guards searching her quot quot How long quot finally whisper quot How what quot quot How missing Thorin quot looked boots quot Two weeks quot intake breath trying temper quot And known quot Thorin hesitates quot A half quot quot How guards searching quot quot Late night quot answered dully straw quot Why hasn 039 t reported me quot quot Because orders spoken of quot quot Aly 039 s friend expect care quot screech nearing hysteria quot She 039 s missing one 039 s me quot quot Rylla quot quot No don 039 t 039 Rylla 039 me quot lowly Thorin hesitated quot W what quot quot Leave Now quot before sighing leaving reluctantly shuffing stripped travellers outfit water sword properly would breath forest before running Adrenaline pumped through footsteps screams smirked minutes guards night Useless cretins continued running walking carrying It 039 s shoulder 039 s 5 039 11 quot wearing armor others barely reached shoulders covered showed moonlight scrunched annoyed sunlight Aly 039 s shrieks quot Shut mouth wench quot annoying high pitched slapped across teeth aimed seconds before hitting orc 039 s smirked comfidently another arrow squeaky voiced started drawing blades Aly 039 s quot Come girl 039 s off quot You recognized character Thorin Hobbit think Please honest Thanks

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