What do you think about my fanfiction?

"Rylla! She's missing!" I dug my hands into the skirt of my dress, twisting. Thorin was next to me, a hand around my shoulders, trying to soothe me. "Rylla, she'll be fine..", he kept repeating. I sat rigid, staring into the fire emptily. We were sitting on my bed early in the morn because I was woken from sleep by the prince, only to be told.. "Please, Rylla," he begged. "Please, more than half of our guards are out, searching for her." "How long?" I finally whisper. "How long what?" "How long has she been missing, Thorin?" He looked at his boots. "Two weeks." I take a sharp intake of breath, trying to keep my temper down. "And how long have you known?" Thorin hesitates. "A week and a half." "How long have the guards been searching?" "Late last night." He answered dully. This is the last straw. I throw his arm off me and stand up. "Why hasn't this been reported to me?" "Because you were busy. It was under orders that it would not be spoken of." "Aly's my best friend. You expect me to not care?" I screech, my voice nearing hysteria. "She's been missing for two weeks and no one's told me?" "Rylla-" "No, don't 'Rylla' me. Leave me." I growl lowly. Thorin hesitated then stood up. "W-what..?" "Leave. Me. Now." He gazed at me again before sighing and leaving reluctantly. As soon as I heard him shuffing away, I stripped off my gown and threw on my travellers outfit, a small pack which held a flask of water, a bow and a sword. If no one was going to care and look for her properly, I would. I took a deep breath of the forest before running on. Adrenaline pumped through me as I heard heavy footsteps and screams. I half smirked. I could find her in less than ten minutes and those guards have been out since last night? Useless cretins. I continued running until I could see them. Five orcs were walking, one carrying Aly. It's shoulder's were broad and he was tall; at least 5'11". He was the only one not wearing armor. The others barely reached his shoulders and were covered in armor from their neck to toe. Their bare skin that showed was pale as moonlight. All their faces were scrunched up, annoyed at the sunlight and Aly's shrieks. "Shut yer mouth, you wench!" One with an annoying, high-pitched voice slapped her across the face so hard, I could hear it. Her cry made me grit my teeth. I drew an arrow to the bow and aimed. The arrow sang for a few seconds before hitting the back of the orc's head. I smirked comfidently and drew another arrow. When the squeaky voiced orc fell, the last three started drawing out their blades. The tall one put his to Aly's neck. "Come out or else this girl's head comes off." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You might have recognized the character, Thorin, from The Hobbit. So what did you think? Please be honest. Thanks! (: